HEARTACHE, LOSS & HEALING

I held back tears when I saw the box with my stuff from Charlie's office...

Today I went to church. Makena invited me to her church and I gladly tagged along. I haven’t been to church in a long time. I have so many questions to ask God. Many whys… Sheila reminded me once that I said myself that “if there will be any trouble, let it be in my time so that my children will have peace.” I know, what was I thinking that time? What had I seen? What had I been exposed to for me to utter these words? I cannot recall but maybe I will agree that I have had quite a number of rough patches in my life. Hasn’t everyone?

I picked up a box today with all my stuff from Charlie’s. I will once again concur with someone else’s opinion, that I am at a numb stage. I am not in denial, not at all, but I wasn’t gonna break down at his office in front of his assistant as much as I wanted to grab my wig and throw it off!!! As much as I wanted to scream even at the elevator on my way up… As much as I wanted to sit down and just cry. I held back all these emotions. What I have done now is throw off my wig and poured everything on the floor. It succccckkkkkkssssssssssssssssssssssssss……. 

So much that the pain of my healing tattoo is my only joy for the day.

Hurting,

Nekoye